2022

Okay, where to start… i feel as if I am losing friends by being open about my health and wellbeing on Facebook so my solution is to reignite my blog and then whoever wants to read my ‘trials and tribulations’ (haha) can, or they can ignore it. This way it still helps me by writing it and getting it out there, and really, that’s what is most important to me. I get attached to people and put a lot of my worth in the relationships i have with them and inevitably they leave, its been my experience with friendships 80% of the time. There are a few that have hung around and those people, whether they take it in when i say thank you, THANK YOU. You restore my faith in people by sticking by your word. I understand the last 2 years have been difficult for everyone in varying degrees and in varied ways, every experience unique. However, while some chose this opportunity to reach out to friends and check in or engage in video calls and the like, others use it as an excuse to lose touch, create distance and eventually disappear. These past 2 years i believe have really shown people for who they are, their true colours, and some people have come out looking mighty ugly. Anyone who knows me, knows i put a lot of myself into the kids in my family, spending time with them, lying on the floor doing puzzles or reading 500 books every day. During lockdown, that was gone, i read them books on video calls, but theyre not here, sitting on my lap, looking up at me as i attempt the different character voices in Peppa pig! I missed that so so much, more than i could ever accurately put into words, 10 years ago, maybe, but as I’ve had fibro and chronic fatigue for longer and longer i actually feel myself getting dumber. I don’t have the eloquent way of the word i feel i used to, my brain doesn’t work at the same speed or capacity that it used to reach. Being aware of this, is like the cruellest joke of all. People see photos of me and the kids or me and my animals and just see a normal person, they don’t see the rest breaks I’ve had to take because my ankle is killing me, or because the fatigue is so overwhelming I’m getting a migraine, they don’t see the tablets i had to take in order to function for the day without a 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day, they don’t see the migraine i get at the end of the day as a consequence of said tablets because they trick my body into thinking it has energy and as the day wears on and the tablets wear off, it goes into shock and i crash spectacularly. That is why i don’t just ‘take those pills everyday’. Anyway, I’m just cranky because its hot and i have a migraine, again. I suffered constant migraines and hand tremors after my AstraZeneca vaxxes, they finally stopped 2 months ago, then I had the booster and its started all over again, I am hoping with everything i have that it lasts half the time because it’s half the dose. That’s about all of my rant capacity for today.

💪🖤

#grumpyandproud